Wednesday, November 14, 2007

A Wife's Response to the 1955 Housekeeping Monthly: 'The Good Wife Guide'

Ever see that article called the Good Wife Guide? You may have received it in a email. It's pasted below. If you've already had the pleasure, then scroll down to see a wife's response: "The Good Husband Guide"

"The Good Wife Guide" 

Housekeeping Monthly circa 1955

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dust cloth over the tables.

During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Don't greet him with complaints and problems. Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife always knows her place.

The Good Husband Guide 2005

COME HOME for dinner.If you think you’re going to be late,call. On the other hand, feel free to go anywhere you want.In fact, stay out all night.But don't return home before you've retained counsel.

PREPARE YOURSELF Take a second to pop a mint and spare her your dragon breath. If you happen to stink after work; go hose yourself down before you come to the dinner table.

LEAVE WORK related problems at the front door. Don’t take them out on her. It’s not her fault that you are overworked and underpaid. Trust me, so is she. Whatever the going rate is for catering to your endless needs and your ungrateful ass; it is not now nor could ever be enough

ACT HAPPY TO SEE HER, even if you have to fake it. You'd be surprised at the amount of faking she has done on your behalf. Smile at her. It's easy. Just pretend she’s the big-breasted hottie at the office.

BE NICE TO HER. Use your manners. You remember those don't you? Manners are the nice words and gestures you bestow on everyone else. The-ones-who-don't-wash-the-skids-marks-out-of-your-underwear. A polite husband is usually a lot 'luckier' than a rude one. Nuff said?

ASK ABOUT HER DAY. Then just shut up and let her vent. Resist the urge to offer your sage advice. Listen up Skippy: Your keen sense of the obvious does not help. It’s insulting.

DON'T ASK if she’s picked up your dry cleaning, scheduled your dentist appointment, called the plumber or any other menial task you have assigned. She’ll get around to it. and if she doesn't,count that as minor compared to her bouncing a six-pack off your flat screen before kick-off.

DON'T QUESTION her actions, her judgment or integrity. Remember, she is the queen of the house. More importantly, she might be PMS-ing within an inch of your life.

REMEMBER: A good husband always knows he can be replaced.

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